New Year's Thoughts

With the end of this year, and the beginning of a new year arriving I was reflecting about the year and all that has happened (and with two trips to California I have had a lot of Nevada desert time to think).  What a year it has been!  It started with me attending BYU, for all of about three days before I stumbled upon an amazing internship opportunity in Washington DC with the LDS Church Office of Public and International Affairs.  Despite the seeming bad timing it felt right, so I applied and was offered the position, and so I sold my apartment contract and dropped out of classes to move across the country in less than a week.  But what an experience.  I loved working for the Church knowing that even in small ways I was helping people come into contact with Christ's message of love and peace.  Imagine what could happen if all the world lived the principles of love and charity, but more on that later.  It was also a wonderful experience living with my sister and her family before they moved.  It is a pretty neat experience to room with your niece and nephews, although they do occasionally wake you up early.  In addition to all of this, I met so many great people and made so many great friends and was able to see so much of the amazing city that it was all so very worth it.

Then, as if I wasn't lucky enough, I was offered another internship opportunity in Edinburgh working with Scottish Parliament.  It was a wonderful work experience, after all it isn't everyday you get to work in the office of a European parliamentarian.  I also made some of the most amazing friends there in the other interns, as well as other members of the ward in Edinburgh. I was also able to travel, and see different people and cultures throughout Scotland, as well as Albania and Poland.  It truly was a life changing experience, one that I am forever grateful for.

Then I finally returned to Utah, which is a little anti-climatic but also a good time.  I just graduated from BYU, I have seen old friends and gained new friendships.  And at the end of the year I can say that it has been a good year.  It has come with its share of struggles and pain, but in the end that is part of what makes life so sweet.  And the good times have far outweighed the bad, so I have everything to be grateful for.

And now, in comes a new year with immense possibilities.  I am waiting to hear from a job that could take me anywhere across the US, I am applying to grad school in international studies, and who even knows what other opportunities might arise?  And that is such an exciting thing.  At this time last year, this year looked like a pretty ho-hum year, but it wasn't, and I have a feeling that this one isn't going to be either.  So, I am looking forward to it.

The final thing that I wished to talk about briefly is a goal of mine.  I have made a number of goals for this year to improve on, and one in particular that I wanted to briefly discuss.  My goal is to become a kinder and more loving person.  I have really felt the need for this over the last few months, because as I have learned about history and society, the pain and suffering of so many becomes more and more apparent.  And I may not have the power to change everything, I can't solve famines in Africa, or wars in Israel.  But maybe, just maybe, I can be a friend to someone who is lonely in my ward.  Maybe I can cheer someone's day up even with just a smile.  That I can do.  That we can all do.  We can all look a little harder for opportunities to be kind.  We can all try a little harder not to judge, or to be kinder in our words.  I can all try a little harder to make this world better and kinder and more loving, so that is one thing that I want my 2012 to look like.

I see you

In my sociology class several weeks ago, a guest speaker came and talked about a number of things which were great.  One of the things that he mentioned is the common Zulu greeting, sawubono.  Essentially, it is used as a common greeting, our equivalent of hello.  But it is the direct translation and meaning that made me think, because it literally means "I see you."  That little phrase has made me think quite a bit about how I react to other people.
I thought about walking around BYU campus, or the streets of Edinburgh, or Salt Lake, and all of the many people that I pass each day.  Far too often I am caught up in my own little world with my own struggles, fears and failings, and I will walk by literally thousands of people without thinking about them, or really even recognizing their existence.  On the same note I read an article that talked about how the question of what we do for a living has become one of the key questions in a conversation, because employment and monetary issues have become some of the most key aspects of life.  But when was the last time that we really sought to know that person, even if we only meet them once?  When was the last time I really tried to learn about their passions, their dreams, their hopes?  In fact, that was one of the things that I loved most about my mission, is that our focus with people was always on things that really mattered, their family, their lives, their faith, etc. 
And what do we miss when we fail to see the common humanity of others?  Think of the jokes that could be enjoyed, the stories and experiences that could leave us in wonder, the cultural understanding that could bring more richness to our own worldview.  There is so much richness and value that could be added into our lives simply by seeking to really "see" the people around us and recognize their humanity.
Again, I realize my posts are rambling and don't always make much sense, but regardless...The idea behind this post is that humanity has so much to offer, and we have so much to offer also.  Think of the hope and happiness that can come into a lonely life simply by having a small act of kindness, or a new friend.  In essence, not just a simple hello will do, but instead we must try and recognize the humanity of those around us in an effort to truly say that "I see you."

Who Against Hope Believed In Hope

Today at Church I had one of those days where it seems like everything that is said and taught is directed to you, like you are supposed to be learning a lesson.  You see, in the past few weeks I had been struggling with a number of things, feeling overwhelmed with school and the GRE exam, as well as finishing homework for Scotland.  On top of that, I was struggling personally, with unmet expectations of myself, as well as some painful social situations.  I felt like it was all I could do to keep my head above water and keep treading just to get by to another day.
Then today there were two themes that really touched my soul and made me reflect and ponder.  The first was about making decisions.  One of the speakers in our Stake Presidency asked us to imagine that today was the End, and that I was standing before God today, and then asked if I would be happy with who I am?  How would I feel if that were to happen?  Would I feel satisfied if my mortal journey were through?  There have been times when I would say yes, but the past weeks I don't know that I would.  I know that the Gospel is true, yet the fear and sadness that have been weighing me down demonstrate a lack of faith.  Luckily, I know that there are things that I can do to change that, there are little decisions that I can make to bring a greater level of peace into my life.
Which brings me to the second related theme, that the Gospel is all about hope!  In reality the Gospel is all about looking at where we are, and more importantly who we are, and then helping us become better, or bringing us closer to God.  Think about it, we are the children of God.  He loves us, and His plan is perfect and can provide opportunities for us to return to Him.  As Elder Oaks once said,

I am a child of God with a spirit lineage to heavenly parents. That parentage defines our eternal potential. That powerful idea is a potent antidepressant. It can strengthen each of us to make righteous choices and to seek the best that is within us.


What a beautiful realization that is.  This then made me think of some of my favorite scriptures, in Romans chapters 4 and 8.  Both are about hope, in Romans 8 talking about Abraham and the promise of posterity.  Romans 8:14 says that Abraham, "against hope believed in hope."  Abraham was old, his wife was old, people don't have kids then, to think that was against all hope, yet he trusted in the promises of Jehovah despite the seeming absurdity of the promises.  Thus he believed in hope, he had a surety that the promises of God would be fulfilled.  That is what I had been lacking, I had been lacking faith, I had started doubting God's promises to me, of a happy life, of future opportunities, and thus I had struggled.  The second scripture in Romans 8:35-39 tells us why that hope will never die, and it is because of the love of Christ.  Paul asks, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?" he then names a number of things that try, tribulations, pain, the hardships and stresses of life.  But then he answers resoundingly, "Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors, through him that loved us."  In essence Paul is pleading with us to remember that there is always hope, always something ahead, always something to look forward to because of Jesus Christ.  His love can overcome all barriers, all powers and all trials.  The love of Christ can heal wounded hearts.  
So this is a little random, and rambles, but I guess in the end there are times we all need to be reminded to "against hope believe in hope."  Trust God that He will provide answers to your struggles, from self inflicted spiritual wounds, to the fear of unmet hopes, to the sorrows of broken hearts.  Believe in hope, trust in God and make the little decisions that bring us closer to Him, and then we can look at our lives and realize that we would feel comfortable standing before Him.  

Pioneer Day Reflections

Often I think that the biggest tests of our faith and courage aren't necessarily in the trials and struggles that we understand and go through.  Instead, I think some of the biggest tests of our trust in God are in the moments where there is such uncertainty and doubt, and nothing seems clear about what is next.  That is one of the reasons that I am so grateful for the Pioneer heritage that we have.
I thought about that a lot today, as we celebrate the life and history of the pioneers, they were willing to leave absolutely everything they knew and understood to travel across a vast wilderness that was little understood to resettle in a land that nobody seemed to really want.  Mountain men who traveled the region bet them they would never be able to grow crops there, the past empire builders had left it largely untouched.  But these brave men and women left their homes, their temples, literally everything that would not fit into a wagon or handcart and left.  When they arrived they truly transformed a desert, making it bloom.  Frequently once settled they would be called to leave their new homes, and go to settle another forsaken and barren region.  And they did it.
Often, I feel that we are called to do the same.  While we are not asked to settle deserts, or create new towns we are asked to put our trust in the Lord, unfailingly, even when we don't understand or cannot see the end result.  We are asked to leave our comfort zones, and trust that the Lord has a plan, and that He will ensure that we are taken care of.  In essence, we are asked to "be of good comfort."  In some ways I feel that this is the hardest part of the Gospel plan, is to take those steps outwards, and move into the unknown and do so with faith and not fear.
In those times, I love the words of the hymn that "Come, come ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear, but with joy wend your way, though hard to you this journey may appear, grace shall be as your day."  Might I share one more story of pioneers that is closer to my home.  Many years ago, my mother and her family joined the Church after hearing the lessons taught by the missionaries.  It was many years before my grandparents finally were baptized, but in the end my mother and her entire family were sealed together.  They too left the things that they had known, and because of their courage I have the blessings of the gospel and of an eternal family.  So I am grateful for the examples of generations of pioneers, who serve as examples of faith and trust, and remind us in our moments of fear and uncertainty that there are greater things ahead, if we will just place our trust in our Heavenly Father and in our Savior Jesus Christ.

Moving Forward

So, tomorrow morning I start my journey back home to Utah, where I plan on finishing school in December and then who knows what else.  To be honest I have very mixed feelings, it will be good to be around my family again, and it will be good to be done with school.  On the other hand the past few years have been amazing, and full of wonderful opportunities, and it feels weird realizing that a significant chapter of my life will be ending soon, and that I need to figure out what comes next.  In addition, it is hard to leave Scotland, and it will be hard after my internships in DC and Edinburgh to be super excited about going back to a more routine existence in Provo.
But, I guess that is what life is all about, we cannot stay in the same places forever, and life is all about changing. The real question becomes whether we really trust the Lord or not, and whether we believe that He has something better in store for us.  Elder Holland has an amazing talk on this, about how Christ has promised us that as we follow Him our paths will be guided and there will be better things ahead, which is pretty awesome.  And I think that is the test, is whether in these hard times, the times of uncertainty is whether we will trust Him.
Luckily, experience has taught me that is true.  From Jerusalem, to a mission, to DC to Edinburgh, the Lord does have wonderful things in store for us.  There is happiness and goodness ahead of us, even if we can't see it.
In short, with rambling, I guess what I am saying is that change is hard, and it should be.  We don't want to give up everything from our past, and we shouldn't.  There are friendships to strengthen, and memories to cherish.  There are lessons to learn, and experiences to help us grow.  And I think that is one reason that change is tough, is so that we seek to hold on to the important pieces of the past.  But, the trick is to take those lessons and those important things and move forward, and not seek to live in the past.  When we do that, then we can trust that there are good things to come.

Poland and Other Thoughts

So, this week after my final week of work, which I have loved absolutely and will miss a great deal, I was able to take a few days and visit Krakow Poland.  When people asked why, in honesty it was because I wanted to take the opportunity that I had to visit Auschwitz, the most infamous site of the Holocaust.
Auschwitz was perhaps the most sobering and somber place that I have ever visited.  The feelings and emotions that are encased in those walls are palpable, real and heartbreaking.  This was the site of the deaths of some 1.5 million people, all within a little town called Oswiecism, Poland.  The whole time during the visit I pondered on the meaning of what had happened, and continually the question came to mind of how it was possible that men and women could do such horrendous things to other men and women.  They would watch them as they froze to death, standing in line for roll calls for no purpose or point.  Random beatings, arbitrary executions, and torture.  And the most horrifying, the mass murder of millions, who were sent unknowingly to their deaths thinking they instead that they were being sent to showers.  It was hard to believe, and impossible to comprehend.
Yet, I know that if I were to return to Poland I would visit again, only to experience the same thoughts and feelings.  Why?  I don't know if I can truly answer that question, beyond the understanding that ignoring history cannot change it.  Instead as we seek to understand history, we can change the world that we are in today, and can shape the future to be a better place.
An example of this was found in something that we did the next day.  We visited Schindler's Factory, the enamelware and munitions factory which supplied the German war effort, yet also allowed Oscar Schindler to save the lives of some 1200 Jewish people.  He risked his life for that, knowing that in Poland helping Jews was punishable by death.  He was not alone, many tried to help the Jewish people risking everything because they knew it was the right thing to do.
I think it was these two sites combined that made such a powerful and life changing impact on my soul.  In two days I was witness to both the absolute best and absolute worst that we as human beings can become.  In dehumanizing others, the Nazis had become animals whose sole purpose was to gain power and cause sorrow and suffering.  On the other hand there are dozens of examples, both in Holocaust stories and elsewhere, of people who will make any sacrifice and pay any price sometimes to help absolute strangers.
Indeed the city of Krakow itself is a vital example that life truly is beautiful.  It is a city of vibrant life, with heartwarming beauty.  It is a reminder of why we live and love, the story of a city that has seen the worst of human history and yet defies that ugliness, daring us to find joy in the majesty of life.  The Kazimierz serves as a beckoning call that the human spirit prevails over pain and tragedy.  The town's many Churches climb to the skyline, reaching out to a loving God who will never abandon mankind.  In short, I loved this city.  From street performers, to an amazing concert in an ancient fort, to the running of the rubber duck I loved this city.
The Churches, including the LDS Church which we visited, amazed me.  For decades these people lived under Communist rule, which in many places completely destroyed religion.  Yet in Krakow, dozens of peoples filled the Churches, attending masses, taking time from busy lives to remember that Being who gave us life.  It was an invaluable reminder to me of the importance of religion.  The LDS Church was very small, but the faith that was evident was amazing.
These are my musings regarding my time in Krakow, it was a wonderful trip that truly changed my life.  It was also a great opportunity to spend time with a friend, Claire, and to be reminded that life is wonderful.

The Past Week

So, the truth of the matter is that I have been very bad at documenting the events of this year at all, which is bad. I know from experience that a good journal or record is one of the best ways to remember my experiences, so I will seek to do better.
Last week I visited Albania, and saw my sister and her family there.  It was really neat, after getting off the plane we visited a castle where Skanderbeg (a national hero) had held off the Ottomans.  Plus there was ten cent ice cream, and people living within the castle walls, way up on the mountain overlooking the valley, it was a really awesome place.
The next day we went to the beach, which took us off on a dirt/village road for a while, which was at times a little questionable (including communist era anti-invasion bunkers) but the beach was nice, and I ended up with a sunburn.  Church on Sunday was interesting, since I didn't understand a word.  But the people were so kind, and the same kind of spirit and feeling was there, and it was neat to see the Church growing in such a new place.
It was a really great trip, and wonderful to see my sister again.  Our family is small, but my sister and brother-in-law are some of my best friends.  Plus I love spending time with my neice and nephews.
This week I did some homework, but on Saturday we went to the Preston temple with the ward.  It was a long drive (4 hours each way) but it made me so grateful to have a number of temples so close and accessible.  We are so blessed to have the gospel, and it made me ponder on how easy it is sometimes, and how I can take it for granted.  Plus I got to hang out on the bus ride with Daniel and Mandi, two of the other interns that are a lot of fun to hang out with.  I have made some great friends here, and I am so glad that I have been able to have this experience.
So there is the past week or so, I am going to try and do better on recording what I do.  We'll see I guess.

Community

I went to an interfaith conference at my Church yesterday, and it was a really interesting experience and I am really glad that I went.  The Stake President of the Edinburgh area spoke, as well as leaders from the Episcopal Church, the Jewish community, the Baha'i and a leader of a Muslim woman's group.  It was interesting as they talked about families and how important families are to all of these communities.  
Another topic that arose was concerning community in general, and how the idea of community is dying.  It was an interesting topic to consider, and as I thought about it I think it is true.  One of the examples used was of stores, as small local shops are replaced by large stores.  But as was pointed out, these are symptoms of a deeper malaise, the real problem is that we are replacing community and family with a focus on things that don't matter.  Rather than building friendships and helping those in need we find ourselves spending all of our lives trying to make money, or to get the next cool gadget, etc.  And these things aren't bad, we need money to live, and I am glad that I can email rather than always write letters, but the problem comes when these become the focus of our lives instead of tools that enrich our lives.  As was pointed out the really important things, the things that will last beyond this life, are our families and friends, the things that we have learned, the experiences and the memories that we have.  Honestly, has anyone on their death bed ever said, "oh shoot, I never did get that new I-phone?"  
Anyways, this rambling does have a point, I hope.  Essentially, we need to spend our lives on the things that really matter, on learning and serving, on loving and growing.  And as we do these things everything else will come with it, we will have good jobs, and we will have means to survive.  And we will be happier, and we will have family and friends (i.e. a community) to share it with, and that is what really matters in the end, is it not?

The Blessings of the Year

So, obviously my blog is fairly new, and today I had a lot of time to think and I was thinking about the many blessings that I have in my life, and particularly the blessings from this year.  So, I wanted to write a little about the opportunities and experiences I have been blessed with so far this year.

Family- First of all, I have probably the greatest family ever.  I mean, they have put up with me for 24 years now, so their patience and kindness is obviously attested.  But seriously, my family is truly amazing.  It has been neat to be able to spend so much time with my sister and brother-in-law and their kids before they moved.

Friends- I also have to admit that I have some of the most amazing friends ever, even if I don't get to spend much time with them always.  Since returning from my mission it has been nice to catch up with old friends.  But living in D.C. for a semester and then in Edinburgh it has been awesome to meet so many new people and make so many new friends.  And they have helped me a ton as I have moved and my life has changed so frequently.  Whether it be from work, or from the wards, or even meeting old friends, sometimes very randomly, I have loved the opportunity to learn from so many wonderful people.

Work/Learning- This year has given me two great work opportunities with a lot of learning that comes with it.  Working first for the LDS Church Office of Public and International Affairs, then with the Scottish Parliament I have had a lot of opportunities to grow and learn.  Whether it be writing letters, or press releases, or motions, or learning the details of Scottish elections, or campaigning, or even making invitations with lots of daisies on them, I have loved the internships that I have had.

Experiences- I have been able to live in Washington D.C. and Edinburgh, so what more needs to be said about being blessed?  But, honestly, both of these places are so full of cultural and historical sights that are amazing.  From the Lincoln Memorial to St. Giles, from Edinburgh Castle to the Isle of Skye, from Melrose Abbey to the Holocaust Museum there are so many places that celebrate the greatness of life.  They seek to celebrate great men and role models, and inspire us to be better.  There are other churches to visit, and great speeches and books to read, foreign movies to watch and Scottish dances to learn.  I have gone on bus tours and hikes through some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen.

In short, I am glad to be alive and to have the chances that I have.  

Living Deliberately

Henry David Thoreau once wrote about an experiment of sorts where he lived in the woods by Walden Pond.  He did so out of a desire to "live deliberately...to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...and not when I had come to die discover that I had not lived." (From Thoreau's Walden)  For years after reading this I felt a sense of guilt almost, wondering what I was doing wrong and what I was missing.  Which brings me to today.  This morning I climbed Arthur's Seat, a large hill that dominates the Edinburgh skyline, and gives an awe inspiring view for miles all around.  For some reason as I climbed up, amidst the wildflowers on a bright and sunny morning, the words came to my mind and I realized that while I was no Thoreau I had been striving to live deliberately for some time.

I thought about how it doesn't take that much to get there.  There have been times in my life when my goal was simply to survive, to endure and to get by.  Not surprisingly, those times are bland, and incredibly unhappy.  It is like looking forward to something that will never come.  It is waiting for that mythical tomorrow where happiness just arrives, without doing anything to cultivate that happiness.  Or we can seek to truly live, and learn, and laugh and love.  We can accept the pain and sorrows of the world, and cry and grow from the hard times.  We can make friends, and cherish those relationships.  We can look at the beauty of the world around us and marvel.  We can be perplexed and confused, and accept that some things are simply beyond full comprehension.  In essence, we can seek to endure waiting for a happiness to come, or we can seek to create that joy in our lives now.  The choice is ours.  All of us can create our own personal Walden pond experiences.  We can all find quiet moments to reflect on life and see if we are truly living.  In my personal experience I know that doing so will bring a greater depth to life, and bring a greater joy and peace.  Even our Waldens will have rainy and sorrow filled days, but as we truly seek to LIVE then we will someday look back at those times and realize the strength that comes from hard times.  And then when the day comes for us to move past this life we can have the peace of knowing that we truly have lived.